Thanks

I called the endocrinologist this morning and spoke with a nurse. She said that the doctor is raising my dosage of thyroid meds (not expected, but whatever) and I am changing meds for the prolactin level (expected and appreciated that the plan from my last appointment was on my file and being carried out without having to remind them).

I am so happy that I have gotten such a great response from the blog so far. Most people are writing me privately. Thanks for reading! My motivations for writing this blog are mostly selfish. I feel like I need support. I know there are so many websites where I can join groups etc. Those were not my cup of tea. I feel like the groups were filled with Debbie Downers and I found reading them draining instead of empowering. No thank you.

Many friends have described me as brave for sharing my story. For those of you who know me well, you know I respond to compliments as follows: "I know!" or "I am wonderful, aren't I?" or something else equally modest. But brave...I just don't see myself that way. Thanks nonetheless.

I also have a request so that this blog really begins to work for me the way I would like. Will you please send the link to anyone you know who is having or has had similar issues? I would love to be able to share with others going on a similar journey presently or previously. Please also comment on the blog, instead of privately, so I look like I have more readers :). Of course, if something is very personal and you don't feel comfortable commenting publicly, feel free to always write me personally. I understand and I appreciate your support.

The Stick

For those of you who have not tried to get pregnant and use an ovulation kit, this is how they work. Usually, you buy a pack of sticks and pee on a stick for 7 days mid cycle to find when you have an LH surge which indicates ovulation. The 7 pack doesn't work for me.

How often do I pee on a stick? Lately, everyday single day. Jealous? Since I can't figure out when I am ovulating, I bought an ovulation kit with 20 sticks. I started on day 5 of my cycle and I am on stick #16, no ovulation yet. I hate those sticks. They never show me what I want to see. Stupid sticks, stupid body. I tried to chart my basal body temperature. That was even worse. Everyday I would turn off my alarm, stick a thermometer in my mouth and wait to hear the beep indicating I could finally get up and use the restroom. The temperatures did not show the typical trend, surprise surprise. So I pee, and I hope every morning that I will ovulate. And I am disappointed every morning. How do you start your day?

I am pretty good at shaking it off and starting my day on a positive note. At least I try. It is getting harder lately.

When I got home today, I had a message from my doctor's office about my blood test. Of course I can't get the info until tomorrow because they are closed now. The results won't mean that much, just tell me if the meds for my thyroid are working or if I need an adjustment. I will have to remind them that the doc, who is on maternity leave, wants to change my meds for prolactin now too. You read correctly, maternity leave. How dare she? Well, I remember that the meds I will be changing to have fewer side effects and I will take fewer pills. Instead of 3 twice a day, I will take one, 4 times a week. That will be nice. I don't like being so dizzy and taking so many pills. They bother my stomach and give me the worst acid reflux. Hopefully that will get better too. I feel like an old lady, talking about my meds.

I Have an Issue and I Need a Tissue

One of my students once said that to another student. I had to laugh. Too funny!

What is not wrong with me really? I have never claimed to be normal. I have always kind of danced to my own beat and appreciated my own humor. That is just me.

As far as my fertility, I have a few problems.

1. I have a small benign tumor on my pituitary gland. It secretes too much of a hormone called prolactin. I have known about this for 11 years. I have had meds adjusted and changed, but nothing will get my hormone level into the normal range. The hormone imbalance causes me to have irregular or absent periods. The good news is that the tumor is so small that it is undetectable on an MRI. My endocrinologists have always tried to have me tolerate enough medicine to regulate my system. However, I am still not getting regular periods. At this time, I am changing medicines after I get the results of a blood test I had on Thursday. The only reason I am on the current medicine is because it was thought to be safer than the other when trying to conceive. Further studies have shown that the 1st medicine is safer than doctors thought. Since my body responded better to the 1st medicine, I will most likely switch back to that.
2. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I was diagnosed in April during the 1st visit to the fertility clinic. This also messes with my hormones and causes me to have high androgen levels, which in turn causes irregular menses. Do we see a trend here? People with PCOS can also be insulin resistant. I am not. I cannot take anything for the PCOS while trying to conceive. It is often treated with birth control pills.
3. I have a slightly under active thyroid. This diagnosis occurred 3 months ago. I am on a very low dose to regulate my thyroid function. My endocrinologist said that being on thyroid medicine may give me just the boost I need to get pregnant. One can hope.

What now?

The reproductive endocrinologist at the fertility clinic gave me lots of options in April (acupuncture, nutritionist, lose weight to spontaneously regain menses and ovulation, Clomid- a drug to force ovulation). Up until now, I have chosen the natural route. Can you blame me? I take enough medicine! I saw a nutritionist who specializes in PCOS. I am working with a personal trainer, which is super expensive, but we are viewing the expense as necessary for our ultimate goal. I love working out with her. She is amazing and I am getting so strong! I have lost 14 lbs very slowly. Yay me! I also see an acupuncturist who specializes in fertility. She is great too! But still no baby.

So, I guess it is time to start Clomid. I turned 34 last month, so it is time.

All That She Wants (the very 1st post)

Um...well...this is hard for me to write, but I need to write it. This is my very first post on my very first personal blog. And well, I am going to share something very personal.

Deep breath.

So here goes...

No drumroll please...

I am having trouble conceiving a baby.

There, I said it. This is harder than I thought it was going to be, as the tears have already filled my eyes. I don't dare say the "i" word, but that is how I am described in the medical community since I have been trying to conceive for well over a year. What is wrong? Well, I think that may be a post unto itself.

But my troubles brought me to a fertility clinic. What was the song playing in the waiting room while waiting for my very first appointment? "All That She Wants, " by Ace of Base. I just had to smile and shake my head. Now I know, I know, there is a debate about what the baby in this song actually means. Is it a child? another boyfriend? Who knows? I just don't care- to be honest. I think that music/poetry/lyrics are for the listener or reader to interpret for themselves. For me, on that very day, nerves shot and anxiously awaiting some sort of solution, it meant a child.

It is all I want.