Monday, February 21, 2011

More About Me

The purpose of this blog is to document and get support about my journey to having a child, but there is so much more to me than that. And I find that I want to blog, but there is nothing much going on with that aspect of my life. Right now, I am on the 5th and final day of Clomid for this cycle. For those of you who don't know, I take it days 5-9 of my cycle then on day 12 I take a home ovulation predictor test. If I ovulate that day I go get an ultrasound. If I don't, I test again on day 13 and get an ultrasound that day whether it reads positive or not. On the ultrasound, the doctor is looking to see if I have developed mature folicles due to the Clomid treatment. Depending on what they see, I have been told that I may get an hcg trigger shot to force ovulation. Then I will need to have sex 12, 24, and 36 hours later. So that is it for now. I haven't talked to the doc about how long we will keep this course of treatment etc. I feel like I can only handle a couple steps at a time. So I will breathe and take time to relax. I am going to trust the doctors and ask questions. That's it.

I would rather blog about some of my favorite things and myself. It may just be therapeutic because as I type, I will be reminded that there is so much more to my life than infertility.

So...about me...the one and only...

I am the youngest of 3 and I grew up in upstate NY. I have a wonderful and supportive family. My parents have been married for over 40 years and they have been through so much. Through it all, they are so supportive and loving towards one another. They are always making the other laugh. My dad has a way of making my mom laugh when she is frustrated with him. They are both so quirky and have their own way of doing things. These quirks drive both of them crazy about the other. They are always yelling at each other and then laughing. They mostly fight about what is on TV because my dad always wants to watch the news, baseball, and documentaries and my mom likes sitcoms, dramas and reality TV. Their playful banter is highly entertaining.

I have a brother and sister who are 6 and 8 years older than I am. So I am truly the baby. I have the typical character traits of a youngest child. I like to annoy others and make them laugh. I am completely incompetent with some things and I don't care about doing some of those things better. For example, I don't sew, not even a button. And I don't care. I just find other people to sew for me or I wear other pants/shirts. I can be pretty stubborn about doing things myself and not asking for or accepting help at times.

I have 4 nephews and I adore them! My family always teases me that I must have a girl, and to tell you the truth, boy do I want one. Of course, I will be ecstatic for one healthy baby. Gender doesn't matter to me all that much. I know that once I am pregnant, it really won't matter to me what I am having. Is it weird that I feel like I love this baby that has yet to be conceived? Well if it is, then I guess I am weird. I can live with that.

I am a good sleeper. I always have been. My husband won't start watching a movie with me after 7 pm and he knows I will probably fall asleep before it is done. I joke that I need to start writing movie reviews based on what I actually saw and remember. It would be called, "Stacey's 2/3 of a Movie Review." It belongs on SNL.

OK, that is enough for now. I am getting tired. Surprise surprise!


Sunday, February 13, 2011

It Is Time for Reinforcements

AKA Clomid. I am not pregnant, and I am pretty devestated. I am just sad. I really thought that using the watch would work. I was wrong.

So I am giving myself today to be sad, giving myself a day to feel like a fool. I could have started with Clomid almost a year ago, but I insisted on trying acupuncture and losing weight and then trying. I don't know why, but lately I have been flushing all my hard work down the toilet. I haven't been working out and I have been eating whatever. And surprise surprise, the weight is coming back on. Why do I always self-sabotage? I am giving myself today to feel like I am disappointing my family and my wonderful husband. Because today, I feel like I have failed.

But then tomorrow I will pick myself up. I will stop being so stubborn. I will ask for help. Why is asking for help so hard for me? Tomorrow I will call the nurse at the fertility clinic and tell her about the changes in medicine I have had since the last visit. Ask if there will need to be any changes or if I can just take the medicine prescribed last time. See if there is an expiration date on the prescription... Tomorrow I will go back to the gym and eat healthy foods. I know I will feel so much better getting back on the wagon. Tomorrow I will make a plan and start it.

Who knows? Maybe I will feel better because with this help, I may not feel like our fate rests completely in my hands.

Monday, February 7, 2011


So, we used the OV Watch this month and fertile days were detected. So now I just have to wait and wait and wait to see if it worked.

I also got a wonderful gift from a dear friend. She got me an African fertility doll. So sweet! I am finding the more that I talk about (or blog about) what is going on with those I trust, the more support I have been getting. So many people have similar issues and it is great to hear what these amazingly strong women have been through in order to have their babies.

With this waiting I have had time to be introspective, more so than usual. I am really trying to reduce my stress and it feels really good to just let certain things go that usually drive me crazy. I am taking time to breathe, taking time to analyze why I do the things that I do, and beginning to make time to do things that I love. I am worrying less and giving myself a break more. Instead of not saying things that bother me and letting them fester, I am learning to be more assertive and ask for what I need. Then the stress lessens or halts completely. I am pretty proud of myself :). Ahhhh, it feels gooood!

What do you do to relax? I am open to suggestions to distract me from the wait. Tick...tock...