AKA Clomid. I am not pregnant, and I am pretty devestated. I am just sad. I really thought that using the watch would work. I was wrong.
So I am giving myself today to be sad, giving myself a day to feel like a fool. I could have started with Clomid almost a year ago, but I insisted on trying acupuncture and losing weight and then trying. I don't know why, but lately I have been flushing all my hard work down the toilet. I haven't been working out and I have been eating whatever. And surprise surprise, the weight is coming back on. Why do I always self-sabotage? I am giving myself today to feel like I am disappointing my family and my wonderful husband. Because today, I feel like I have failed.
But then tomorrow I will pick myself up. I will stop being so stubborn. I will ask for help. Why is asking for help so hard for me? Tomorrow I will call the nurse at the fertility clinic and tell her about the changes in medicine I have had since the last visit. Ask if there will need to be any changes or if I can just take the medicine prescribed last time. See if there is an expiration date on the prescription... Tomorrow I will go back to the gym and eat healthy foods. I know I will feel so much better getting back on the wagon. Tomorrow I will make a plan and start it.
Who knows? Maybe I will feel better because with this help, I may not feel like our fate rests completely in my hands.