Sunday, February 13, 2011

It Is Time for Reinforcements

AKA Clomid. I am not pregnant, and I am pretty devestated. I am just sad. I really thought that using the watch would work. I was wrong.

So I am giving myself today to be sad, giving myself a day to feel like a fool. I could have started with Clomid almost a year ago, but I insisted on trying acupuncture and losing weight and then trying. I don't know why, but lately I have been flushing all my hard work down the toilet. I haven't been working out and I have been eating whatever. And surprise surprise, the weight is coming back on. Why do I always self-sabotage? I am giving myself today to feel like I am disappointing my family and my wonderful husband. Because today, I feel like I have failed.

But then tomorrow I will pick myself up. I will stop being so stubborn. I will ask for help. Why is asking for help so hard for me? Tomorrow I will call the nurse at the fertility clinic and tell her about the changes in medicine I have had since the last visit. Ask if there will need to be any changes or if I can just take the medicine prescribed last time. See if there is an expiration date on the prescription... Tomorrow I will go back to the gym and eat healthy foods. I know I will feel so much better getting back on the wagon. Tomorrow I will make a plan and start it.

Who knows? Maybe I will feel better because with this help, I may not feel like our fate rests completely in my hands.


  1. I hope you feel better. I'm so sorry the watch didn't work - I know how painful it can be to have your hopes up about getting pregnant:( It just sucks. Hoping and praying for you that this week brings you some joy. ((HUGS))

  2. Thanks so much for your kind comments! I actually just swallowed the first Clomid pill. This is a big step!

  3. Yay!! Congrats!! It is a big step:)